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Lost and found, and then lost again

Written By: Elena on February 14, 2010 No Comment

Very worryfying!

“You know, like, yeah, what can I say, I mean, it’s just that, you know… I and my friends…” (English, altruism, big smile!) “Sorry, my friends and I…( I was, you were, he, she, it was, we were), “we were arriving, you know, oh, sorry, we arrived in the USA few days ago, and it’s like, great, you know…What? Ah, from Macedonia I am.” (Don’t ever copy Star Wars lines!) My English is good? Oh, thank you, yeah, I had very good results on my TOEFL before I came here, yeah! Oh, it’s my turn, nice chatting with you, bye!”

(Focus, focus, focus!) Ok, sir, so this is my credit card, right? I understood that part. (Don’t start your goodbye procedure on me, sir! Take it slow now, there are a lot of things that I want you to explain: those red words – RISK FEE, and the way you explained all in one breath, I know it’s time for your lunch break, sir, but, please stick with me for a while here, reassure me that if I make a mistake, I will not go to jail and I’m not running the RISK to pay – the verb in future continuous tense – the FEE for the rest of my life!) (Don’t start your goodbye procedure on me, sir! Take it slow now, there are a lot of things that I want you to explain: those red words – It can’t be as easy as you’re describing it! (Big smile! Funny? No? OK. You’re not providing me with enough understandable input, sir, it means that I’ll need to watch your face for a while, sir, to understand if there is a small part of your smile that would alarm me of Great Danger! Let me just check out your other costumers to see if there is someone who is yelling, throwing things, maybe just silently crying…) Thank you! (I’ll go, you win! I’ll take all this papers, I have a dictionary home, I have translated some short stories before, I will stay home as long as it takes, I’ll get to the bottom of this credit card issue!) Bye!

(Now, I just have to find my way back!) Excuse me, sir, tell me, please, how to get… What? Sorry? Oh, I’m fine thank you, and how are you today? Good! Ok. Yeah. Great… (Can I start now? I’m tired! Same intonation, big smile, aaaaand go!) Can you please tell me how to get back to the (State  University of California, Berkeley) Campus? (Wait! No, no, no! Don’t use that place names vocabulary! Just answer my question: should I go from the Bart station, and then move east, toward the hill, to the left of the sun?) Thank you very much! (As always, the routine circles around town till I see a place that I know. Why oh, why? Don’t forget the city map, don’t forget it, you can forget the umbrella, but don’t forget the city map! Yes! Back on Campus, good, now, just a small brainache, but it will pass. I just need to find the B space. I need it for my courses.) Oh, hi, yeah, certainly you can ask me a question… (you are extremely nice, how can I say no!) Aha? (Brainache! Tired! What? Food for the Gorillas… Kongo… man… nature… destroy… “Dove” soap?…my help…my credit card?) Just don’t ask me for my credit card, sorry, have problems with it. (It’s new, and it’s American!) But, I promise not to use “Dove” soap never ever again! Nice talking to you! (Focus, B space, let’s see, maybe if I find the A space …) Hi! What? Acting in a play? No thanks! (Oh, wait! That would be nice! NO, it would not be, I have work to do! Tired! It would be better to go home. Who knows what kind of criminal act my bank account has done by now! The weather is kind of nice, maybe I should walk home, why not? Yes, turn left here, I remember this playground, yes also the pools, now few threes …. pavement? Where is the pavement? How can you have a street, cars, signs, and no pavement?! The few threes turned into WOODS! Avoid the cars, but don’t enter the woods! Just try to stay in the middle between “I’m glad I’m still alive” scenario and “Unidentified person was run over yesterday” scenario. Raining, raining, yes, umbrella I have an umbrella, I’m a genius! I’m so controlling this situation! No human beings, nothing! Where am I? Encouraging: street signs still look normal, a speed sign, a no parking at any time sign, that is a good sign, there’s no bears at any time signs, nor radioactive zone sign, nor military zone sign. And they are written in English – I must be still in the USA. Good! But, it’s getting dark so fast. Now don’t you even think of the third scenario! No, no, no, don’t look at the car drivers, stay calm, just behave as if you are enjoying walking here, the fresh air, the nice weather, yes, home is over there, just walking my extremely small dog, my house is just behind that… wood, big smile. Exhausted! What’s that, the Jurassic park?! A Botanical Garden!!!! Civilized human beings create botanical gardens! Good people take care of botanical gardens! A bus stop! A bus stop! A bus stop! Oh, what joy before my eyes! There will be a bus! Maybe not now, maybe not today, but it will eventually come! I’ll just wait here, it’s so nice with the street and the street light and the bench and other stuff people made…. I’ll just stay in this human friendly environment…. I should have bought that neon – color food that I wanted to buy as a souvenir. It would have given me strength. But, how can they sell that as food? If you take half of the food that they’re selling here in the supermarket back in the Middle Ages, people would use it for every other purpose, but they would never figure out that they could also put it in their mouth! Oh, I’m so tired! A bus! A bus! A bus! It stops, yes! People! Oh, God! Enter, big smile, don’t cry! Casual look, I was just visiting the Jurassic park over here. Activate the two brain cells that are still functioning and focus on two questions: How much does the bus drive cost? Where is in fact this bus going?! But, no, a question arrives from the driver. He is serious! What if I have to buy a ticket somewhere else, near the Bart station? Oh my God! What? No, I am here, standing, and I need to pay you for the ride, please!  This bus is going east, toward the hill, I don’t know where the sun is, but let me stick with you people for a while. There are also other people in the bus and you don’t seem to ask them questions, why me, why, why…) Sorry, what? Oh sorry, I’m doing great today! And how are you today? Good! Nice. (Now, please let me pay you!) One dollar? Here it is… ( no wait that’s a hundred dollar bill) Sorry, just a second, here you… (go? are? Big smile!) Thanks! (Didn’t have energy, nor brain cells left for my second question.)

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